


The One Moment

by Chesari



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Be Careful What You Wish For, Canon-Typical Dick Jokes, Canon-typical swearing, F/M, Gen, Spoilers through C1E115, Wish Fulfillment, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 20:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15758826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chesari/pseuds/Chesari
Summary: Scanlan gets his Wish. It doesn't turn out like he thought it would.





	1. Chapter 1

He had a plan. Save one spell for Vax. Just one - his most powerful spell. It wouldn't be easy to hold anything back in a battle against a god. If it came down to it, if there was no other way to win, he would go ahead and cast the spell. But he might just get by without it. All he had to do was survive and keep his friends alive, for just a few minutes, while a nearly all-powerful lich tried to murder them all. No problem, right?

Vecna, as it turned out, had gotten a lot bigger since the last time Vox Machina fought him. And a lot more frightening, and much, much more powerful. With his very first spell he sundered the tower they all stood on and sent Scanlan flying off the tower's edge.

Scanlan saved himself from falling with a Dimension Door and quickly countered a spell that would have left Keyleth mindless and drooling. Vecna dispelled his simulacrum, sending him falling again - he'd been standing on Scanlan Two's copy of Bigby's Hand - then batted him down with a searing bolt of flame. For a few seconds he was knocked unconscious, but Vax's healing magic brought him back.

Out of range for counterspells, Scanlan hunkered down and healed and waited. He forced Vecna to burn a powerful spell to get rid of the magical sphere he'd set up to protect himself. And when he saw an opening, he moved too, flying in the palm of a new Bigby's Hand toward Vecna to get back within range. The next time the lich cast a major spell, trying to send Grog and Pike away to who knew where, Scanlan was ready. He countered and kept his friends in the fray.  

Vecna, furious at his interference, tried again and again to kill him. To banish him. To take him out of the fight by any means necessary. Even as Grog and Arkhan were hacking away at the lich's body and Vax and Keyleth were flying right at his head, he didn't take his eyes off of Scanlan. Vecna even tried polymorphing him, of all things, and Scanlan spent a few seconds as a very confused fox before Vax flew over and nicked him with a dagger to end the spell.

He had a plan, and so far it was working. Vox Machina, with help from Arkhan, had done a number on the lich. The bones of Vecna's ribcage were broken open and one shoulder was shattered to pieces, exposing weak points. Grog had already driven one of the divine trammels into the side of Vecna's head.

And then Vecna tried to run away.

Scanlan knew what spell Vecna was casting. He'd seen Gilmore cast it not five minutes before, to take his little girl and Percy's sister away to safety. And he knew how powerful it was - he could have learned it himself, but he'd chosen the mansion instead. There was only a brief moment of opportunity. He couldn't let Vecna escape. They were so close to winning. He had to counter.

He could use the spell he was saving for Vax to counter, and if he did, it would block the teleport with no chance of failure. And it would also seal Vax's fate. When the Raven Queen came to claim Vax, Scanlan would have nothing left. He would have no way to help his friend.

Or he could take a risk. He could counter with a less powerful spell and hope that it worked. It might not, and if it didn't, it wasn't just his own life at stake. It was his friends' lives, and Kaylie's life, and the lives of everyone in Vasselheim, and many more besides. If Vecna escaped, he would make better plans and grow even more powerful. He'd figure out what he was capable of as a god. When Vox Machina found him again, he might be too much for them. He might slaughter them all. But if the counterspell worked - if luck was with him, if the gods were feeling generous today - then Scanlan would still have a chance to save Vax.

Vecna was casting, and Vax was right in Vecna's face. Daggers drawn, black feathers flashing in the sickly green light that spread from the lich and the brighter, multicolored light of the half-formed teleport spell.

In that tiny window of opportunity, Scanlan chose. And he cast.

He chose the lesser spell. As he did, grasping for any advantage, he called on the power that had kept him going for as long as he could remember, the magic of song. The music came to him from nowhere, or maybe from some other world, a series of dramatic notes played on some unfamiliar instrument. He sang along as the words that went with the melody filled his mind - "It's the FINAL COUNTER~!"  

And with that inspiration, he cast the spell. The purple beam of his magic streaked toward Vecna. The fate of the world was out of his hands now, left to a roll of fortune's dice.

The counterspell hit Vecna's left hand, and for a split second the hand glowed purple rather than green. The floating sigils of the teleportation spell flared bright for a moment and then winked out.

Vecna was still there.

Vecna wasn't happy. Vecna was staring at Scanlan with his bony hands clenched and his yellow teeth gritted and a twitch above his blazing, magical left eye. Vecna, even more than before, looked like he was about to kill a motherfucker.

In that moment, Scanlan couldn't have cared less. He shouted gleefully across the battlefield, "BURT REYNOLDS NEVER SAID YOU COULD LEAVE!"

Seconds later, he saw Grog raise the last of the divine trammels over his head and slam it into Vecna's chest, roaring with rage.

The third trammel had already shattered. The two embedded in Vecna's form now were all they were going to get. Scanlan shouted over the earring to his friends, warning them not to do any more physical harm to Vecna. If they destroyed the lich's avatar rather than binding it, the soul would escape and the body would reform somewhere else. A Vecna with time to think and plan his revenge on Vox Machina was a Vecna they probably wouldn't be able to defeat.

He pulled the book, the Tome of Isolation, from his satchel. He flipped it open and began to speak, reading aloud the Rites of Banishment. He could feel the magic flowing out of the book, binding itself to Vecna, wrapping around the lich's bones and sinking into them.

He thought for a moment that it had worked. But Vecna somehow resisted, and the words of the Rites blurred before his eyes into an unreadable mess. 

Then an angel appeared. Literally. Keyleth, in the shape of a planetar, swooped down next to Bigby's Hand and took the book from Scanlan, and she began to read.

Light - an aura of magic, weaving itself in glowing strands around their enemy. Bursts of light and energy from the divine trammels, first one and then the other. An endless shriek from the lich. A rush of roaring wind.

He had to act quickly, but this moment was one he'd prepared for. He summoned his magic, called the words he had chosen to mind, and shouted into the wind, "I WI-"

And then a flash brighter than any sunburst, and a sound like thunder but more, like a god had clapped its hands.

The force of the explosion picked Scanlan up and flung him backward. He was almost thrown off of Bigby's Hand, barely managing to catch himself on the thumb. His friends who were flying - Keyleth, Vax, Pike, Vex with Percy on her broom - all went tumbling through the air. Grog and Arkhan, who'd been grappling with the lich up close, fell and hit hard on a platform far below.

Vecna was gone.

The sun dawned over Thar Amphala. And the tower began to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding the counterspell that broke my heart, burning a lower-level spell and rolling for it might not have worked in the real game for a couple of rules-related reasons that I won't get into right now. The tl;dr version is that high-level D&D is complicated as hell and very much dependent on DM discretion, so it could have gone either way. For the purposes of this fic I decided that it could work because Matt is a kind and benevolent DM (usually). IRL though, Sam made the right call. Using Scanlan's 9th level spell was by far the safer choice.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a saying that unspent money would burn a hole in your pocket. The Wish was like that, except spells weren't kept in pockets. It felt like it was going to burn a hole right through his chest. He wanted to cast it so badly, just come up with something decent and say the words and get it over with - and he didn't want to cast it, he was afraid to, because if he fucked this up there were no second chances.

He hadn't lost the spell, at least, in that unexpected explosion, but his original plan for it wasn't going to work. The Raven Queen definitely knew by now that they had defeated Vecna. He had hoped to keep her from finding out, just for a little while, so that he and his friends could come with a plan to save Vax. Now he had to figure out something else. And he had to do it soon - Vax probably didn't have long.

Scanlan found a piece of rubble that was big enough to lean on and sat down next to it, resting his back against it. Vox Machina and friends had all made it down from the tower safely - all except for Arkhan, who'd turned traitor and run off with Vecna's hand. And except for the twins' little sister Velora, who Vecna had held hostage, and who'd been caught in the blast of one of Keyleth's powerful spells. 

They were maybe fifty feet from him now, the twins and the little girl's body. Zahra was keeping a quiet watch, and Kashaw was scratching symbols in the dirt around them, preparing for a ritual of resurrection. 

He didn't want to watch the ritual. He had to keep an eye on Vax, though. The Raven Queen would come for him, and there was no telling when.

The problem with the Wish was that there were too many possibilities and too few good outcomes. Most of Scanlan's ideas seemed unlikely to work, and some of them had potential to backfire horribly. He could wish for Vax's oath to the Raven Queen to be undone - and the Raven Queen might react by taking Vex, because Vax had made that oath to save his sister. Wishing for Vax to stay alive, without any qualifiers, might also mean Vex would die. He might be able to hide Vax from the Raven Queen somehow, but he didn't think that would work for long, if at all. It couldn't be that hard for her to find her own paladin. Wishing the Raven Queen out of existence certainly wouldn't work, and Scanlan might end up in the Nine Hells for having tried. One idea that appealed to him was giving Vax another mission, another undead foe to vanquish before the Raven Queen could take him - but that would mean more battles and more danger for all of his friends. They would never leave Vax to fight alone, and Scanlan wouldn't want them to.

As he was thinking through his options, he heard a metallic clanking sound from somewhere off to his left. The sound got progressively closer and louder until it stopped a few feet away from him. "Hey Scanlan."

He looked up at his cleric in shining armor. Blood-spattered armor right now, but it was still mostly shiny. "Hey Pike." 

Pike sat down next to him, laid one gauntleted hand on his shoulder, and gave him her best big-eyed look of concern. "You look really sad, sitting all by yourself over here. Is something bothering you?"

Of course she would notice. Pike always knew. "No, no, I'm fine," he lied, out of habit more than intention. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" 

He shrugged. In case it didn't work, he didn't want to tell her. "You know. Stuff." _Stuff_ \- that wasn't going to stop her from worrying. He had to keep talking. "I mean, we just beat down a fucking god! How cool is that?"

Pike grinned. "You were amazing! You just kept blocking him!"

" _You_ were amazing!" he said, smiling back at her. "With the wings, and then that healing thing you did… I mean, we would have died. I definitely would have died without that. You saved me." He made a face, stuck out his lower lip and made it wobble, in an exaggeration of tearful gratitude. "You're my hero, Pikey!"

That made her laugh, but just for a second. Her face sobered, and she said gently, "We'd all be dead without you too. You really were incredible, Scanlan."

He thought he could have done better. Not falling unconscious would have been a good start. But he smiled and told her, "Yeah. Yeah, I was."

"Oh no," Pike said, shaking her head. "Don't you go all egotistical on me." She was making an effort to hold back a grin, but it wasn't quite working. 

"I was thinking I'd write a book," he said, just for fun. "I'll call it The Legend of Scanlan Shorthalt! With maybe a small subtitle about Vox Machina."

She was laughing now, not bothering to hide it. "You are _terrible!_ "

"Oh!" he said, grinning as a thought occurred to him. "Maybe I can get that fancy lad you all were traveling with to build me a robot so I can dictate my tale of adventure to it!"

Pike groaned and hid her face behind her hands, her shoulders shaking with giggles. 

"You'll be in it, of course," he told her. "There'll be whole chapters about you." 

She peeked at him through her fingers, her face still half hidden. "Oh yeah? Will I be a big brave hero who saves the day?"

"Of course! Well, not big." There were many things a gnome could aspire to, but _big_ just wasn't their lot in life. "But you're always brave, and you're definitely a hero."

Pike watched him, resting her chin on one hand, and with her other hand she reached for one of his. "You always make me smile," she said.

And she was smiling at him. She was holding his gaze, her eyes sparkling. He'd gotten that look from women before, and he knew what it meant. He was reasonably sure that she wanted him to kiss her. If he waited a little, she might even kiss him. 

But there was something she didn't know. It was still weighing on him, however happy he pretended to be. And he was lying to her, and he didn't like that about himself. 

So he didn't kiss her. He gave her a hug instead. 

She hugged back, squeezing him tight. It was a little uncomfortable with her armor in between them, but that didn't matter. Her chin resting on his shoulder, her pale hair brushing against his cheek, her little sigh right into his ear, the warmth of her in his arms - it was perfect. She was absolutely perfect. 

Pike finally let him go and shifted a bit, settling in against the bit of rubble they were using as a backrest. "I hope it works," she said. She was looking at the resurrection ritual, at Vax and Vex on their knees by Velora's body and Kashaw chanting under his breath while he drew sigils on the ground. 

Scanlan bit his lip and tried not to look the way he felt. Which was guilty. "Yeah. Me too."

"If it doesn't work, I can try tomorrow," Pike said. "Or Keyleth can. There's this spell called True Resurrection. Or actually, you could do it too."

"Hmm?" He knew exactly what she meant, and he wished, lower-case, that she hadn't brought it up.

"You could cast Wish. I mean, not today, obviously. I'm sure you've used up all your spells."

"Most of them," he said quietly. 

Not that spell. But he wouldn't be casting that one for Velora, not today. The little dead girl could wait. As much as it hurt to watch the twins sobbing over their sister, in the long run he was going to save them a lot of grief. 

If he didn't fuck it up. If he chose the right words. If his magic was strong enough to keep a god at bay.

Scanlan waited and watched with Pike beside him, mostly in silence, for close to an hour. She took a brief nap propped up against the piece of fallen tower, clearly exhausted from the battle. He stayed awake and came up with dozens of sentences that all began with the same two words, testing each one in his mind, searching for flaws and loopholes and unintended consequences - searching for words that would do what he wanted and nothing else.

Kashaw's ritual was successful in the end. Velora came back with no need for a Wish. So that was one worry off his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

He had the wording now. It was just a matter of finding the right moment to cast the spell. Nerves were getting the better of him, though. He had several chances to pull Vax aside and get it done with, and he missed them all because it didn't feel right. Even saying the Wish to Vax wasn't strictly necessary - Scanlan could have just whispered it to himself. It would work just as well if only he heard it as it would if he shouted it from the rooftops. But he was a performer by trade, and subtlety with a spell like this felt wrong to him. Something this big needed an audience, his friends if no one else. And it needed perfect timing.

J'mon Sa Ord, in their brass dragon form, flew with Vox Machina on their back from the titan's shoulders down into Vasselheim. They landed near the top of the long stair leading to Bahamut's temple, the Platinum Sanctuary, and stooped low so that Scanlan and his friends could climb down. Dead and wounded people were everywhere, clustered around the temple, laid out prone on the steps. Silver-armored clerics and paladins were everywhere too, clutching their holy symbols and casting healing spells to save as many lives as they could. 

The warriors of Bahamut seemed to know who Vox Machina were and what they had done. They stood at attention for the motley, sweaty, battered little troupe of adventurers approaching the sanctuary, and most of them bowed, and some even knelt down. It was _weird,_ Scanlan thought _._ Not an Artagan-choking-Vax level of weird - nothing would ever top that - but definitely unexpected and hard to believe. They were heroes to these people who were heroes in their own right, who were running around saving lives like it was nothing, who were better people on their bad days than most of Vox Machina were on good ones. They were certainly better people than a shifty gnome whose most recent accomplishment, aside from the whole Vecna thing, was running a counterfeiting ring out of a seedy Marquesian tobacco shop.

The first familiar person to greet them inside the sanctuary was Allura, who looked frazzled and unkempt but otherwise fine. As soon as she saw them, she rushed forward and pulled them all into a massive, much-needed group hug.

They were just beginning to get caught up with her when Highbearer Vord interrupted. Vord questioned them, not trusting that Vecna was truly defeated. Which was reasonable, really, except that the members of Vox Machina were still alive and they wouldn't have been if Vecna weren't gone. It was Vax who finally convinced Vord by explaining about his bond with the Raven Queen and the power she'd given him to track Vecna's movements. Vord thanked them, his voice echoing throughout the sanctuary, and gave a moving speech in their honor. His words drew a crowd of priests and paladins near, and when Vord finished speaking they all bowed low, nearly in unison, forming a sea of silver in a circle around Scanlan and his friends. 

Scanlan heard the echo of his own thoughts in Vex's whisper that this was _weird._ He had only heard about half of the speech, though. He was still watching Vax - he only had so much attention to spare.

With some nudging from her friends, Scanlan included, Keyleth stepped up to speak. For once she wasn't awkward at all.  She gave the speech of her life, thanking the people of Vasselheim, praising them for their valor in battle, inspiring them with the image of their city undefeated for a thousand years. And the crowd cheered like mad.

The whole time Scanlan was fidgeting, trying to focus and not quite succeeding. He was a shitty friend, he knew. But it was almost time. He was going to have to make his move soon. 

As the crowd was dispersing, it seemed like every single person wanted to talk to them, to thank them, to cry on their shoulders or regale them with tales of brave fights against gloom stalkers and skeletons. A weeping halfling acolyte tried to give Scanlan her holy symbol and a book about cheesemaking, because apparently being famous was fucking bizarre. He managed to talk the poor girl into keeping the holy symbol at least, and he sent her on her way with a pat on the back and a piece of a fancy robe to use as a handkerchief.

They finally left the sanctuary. Vasselheim stretched out before them, the whole city visible from where they stood high on the Heaven's Stair. There were a few pillars of smoke still rising here and there, but most of the buildings were undamaged. The bright sun overhead made the walls of the city seem to shine. 

The twins had left Velora in the sanctuary to rest. Aside from a few priests and commoners who were passing by, it was just Scanlan and his friends out here. 

Just him and his audience. 

"Hey Vax," he said, trying for casual. There was only a little bit of tremor in his voice. 

Even though he'd been watching closely, he somehow missed the moment when the Raven Queen appeared. One second everything was fine. And the next - he hadn't even blinked - but there was a shadow standing over Vax, a blank white porcelain mask above him surrounded by a pool of black hair, long bone-white hands rising from behind him and settling onto his shoulders.

Before Scanlan could do anything, Percy was speaking and moving forward. He had a plan of his own, it looked like. But the Raven Queen glanced at him and he stopped in his tracks, visibly straining but unable to move. Hold Person, Scanlan thought, and a strong as fuck version of that spell to hold someone with as much resolve as Percy had.

She might do the same to him. Or counterspell the Wish. She was powerful enough for that. He was still going to try, but his heart sank as he realized that he might have waited too long.

A voice filled his mind, cold and distant, a match for the porcelain mask. From his friends' reactions they could hear it too. _YOU HAVE DONE WELL, MY CHAMPION._

The Raven Queen spoke at length to Vax about destiny and fate and sacrifice. While she was talking, Scanlan took the opportunity to practice. Wishes had to be precise. He repeated the words he'd chosen in his mind over and over, until he was sure he had them right, and a few more times after that for good measure.

While he was silently rehearsing, Vex and Keyleth tried arguing for Vax's life. They weren't wrong. They were absolutely right, in fact. It wasn't fair, and there was no good reason why an immortal being couldn't wait a few centuries to get what she wanted. But their words didn't make a dent in that frozen mask. The Raven Queen actually called them _selfish_ , and Scanlan had to bite his tongue - that was uncalled for, and untrue, and if the sanctimonious piece of shit who said it hadn't been an actual god he would have fought her right there and then.

 _IT IS TIME,_ said the Raven Queen.

Vax made it clear that he wasn't going to put up a fight. He started saying his goodbyes. First to Grog, who asked whether he was scared - "I'm going to visit my mother," he said. Then to Percy, who he told to take care of his twin sister and Keyleth.

Then it was Scanlan's turn. This was it. This was the moment.

He had never had a worse case of stage fright in his life.

"Scanlan. My friend, my brother. It's been such a joy to travel with you."

He looked up at Vax - black armor, black feathers, black hair. If this worked, he would have to stage an intervention to get Vax to wear a less depressing color now and then. Vax was crying - not sobbing, but his eyes were watery and he had tearstains on his cheeks. That was no good either.

"I love you," Vax said. "I want you to know that. Really know it, not just shrug it off." 

That hit him right in the heart. It took a lot of effort to keep from getting all teary-eyed himself.

"Well," he said. "I love you too." It felt like every nerve in his body was tingling. His palms were sweaty, his heart pounded in his ears. The fire in his chest made it hard to breathe - the spell wanted out. And he was about to let it out. "And I would be sad, and I would say goodbye, except for one thing."

Vax blinked at him, then wrinkled his brow. "What…? Scanlan. What have you got up your sleeve?"

Scanlan smiled. "You don't get to leave yet. Not until Burt Reynolds says you can."

And he turned to the Raven Queen, and he said, "I *WISH* -"

 

******************************

 

_Somewhere very far away, the one true god of Exandria folded his arms and watched with amusement, and just a bit of pride, as cheers broke out at his table, centered around one player who wore a smile so big it could have been seen from space._

_"You certainly saved that for the last minute," the god said._

_"Does she stop me? Does she Hold Person me?"_

_"She does not." For a reason, which the players were about to find out. "Finish your sentence," he said._

 


	4. Chapter 4

"I *WISH* that Vax'ildan Vessar would live out a normal half-elven lifespan here in Exandria with his family and his friends." 

She hadn't stopped him. The Wish was cast.

It hadn't hurt when Scanlan cast this spell before, but this time it felt like a bolt of lightning had struck him. His muscles started trembling, instantly sapped of strength. His knees went weak. He almost fell over, but Vax caught his arm and kept him on his feet. 

"You saved a Wish for me?" Vax said, in a quiet, raspy, incredulous voice.

There wasn't much to say about it. "Yeah."

"We fought a fucking god, and you were _brilliant_ , and you…" Vax swiped at his eyes with one hand. "That whole time, that whole fucking time, you were holding back? For _me?_ "

"Well, sure," Scanlan said. It wasn't like it had been a difficult choice. Of course he was going to try to save Vax. He'd known it from the moment he learned the spell.

"Gods, Scanlan. Just… Come here." Vax knelt down next to him and embraced him. He held on a little too hard, and his pointy elf chin was digging into the top of Scanlan's head, and the whole thing was embarrassingly drippy. Scanlan really didn't mind, though. It was fine. It was great, actually.

No one else was saying anything. He would have expected Vex or Keyleth, or both of them, to be hugging Vax by now.

He looked around him - his friends, aside from Vax, were all standing stock still. All of them, not just Percy, were frozen in place. Pike and Keyleth both had terrified expressions on their faces.

Vex's eyes were moving wildly, flicking from Scanlan and Vax to the Raven Queen, to Scanlan, to Vax, to the Raven Queen, over and over.

The Raven Queen spoke, and the tone of her voice sent a chill through his heart. She didn't sound angry. If anything, she sounded like she felt sorry for him.

_LITTLE GNOME. YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN DEFY ME?_

Scanlan closed his eyes, just for a moment, and sighed. Apparently it wasn't going to be as simple as he'd hoped. This had been hard as hell to pull off in the first place, and he was beyond exhausted.

He gently disengaged from Vax, bracing one hand on Vax's arm to keep from toppling over - he still felt like shit from casting the Wish. He looked up at the Raven Queen and said to her, "If you thought I was going to just let my friend die, you don't know me."

_VAX'ILDAN TRADED HIS LIFE TO ME IN EXCHANGE FOR THAT OF HIS SISTER. IF HE IS TO REMAIN ALIVE, VEX'AHLIA MUST DIE._

He felt Vax flinch, heard a hiss of breath - but he'd thought of this already, and he'd made sure it couldn't happen. "I said he would stay alive _with his family_. She's family. She's not going anywhere."

_YOU DEMAND MORE THAN YOUR SPELL CAN GRANT YOU. THRICE VAX'ILDAN PLEDGED HIMSELF TO ME. EACH TIME HE DID SO OF HIS OWN FREE WILL. NO MORTAL MAGIC CAN BREAK SUCH A BOND._

If even a Wish wasn't enough… He said desperately, angrily, "You can't have him. You can't have either of them. They're staying here with us."

The Raven Queen tilted her head, studying him like he was an insect. _SUCH IMPUDENCE. IT IS NOT WITHIN YOUR POWER TO TAKE WHAT BELONGS TO THE GODS, NOR TO TELL A GOD WHAT SHE MAY OR MAY NOT DO._ She moved toward him, gliding forward to tower above him not three feet away. _BUT I WILL BE GENEROUS. IF YOU WISH TO PLAY AT BEING A GOD, I WILL ALLOW YOU TO CHOOSE. VAX'ILDAN, OR VEX'AHLIA. WHICH OF THEM SHALL PASS BEYOND THE VEIL OF DEATH TODAY?_

A terrible silence fell. There was nothing - no whisper of hushed voices, not even a gust of wind.

Scanlan ducked his head, speechless and shaken. He had been afraid of this Wish for good reason. He'd had an inkling that something like this might happen. He never had a plan for how to deal with it if it did happen, because as far as he could tell there was no way to deal with it. Gods got what they wanted.

But she couldn't make him choose. That was one thing even a god couldn't do. If she forced him, it wouldn't be his choice, and she'd break her own twisted little game.

"Let me deal with this," Vax murmured. He stood and faced the Raven Queen, keeping one hand on Scanlan's back to prop him up. "As much as I value this precious gift that my…" He choked up, and took a long shuddering breath, and wiped his eyes again. "That my dear friend Scanlan has given me, I cannot accept it. Not at this cost. I'll make the same deal again that I made with you before. My life for my sister's."

_THIS CHOICE IS NOT YOURS, MY CHAMPION._

Of course not, Scanlan thought. She wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. She was going to teach him a lesson for daring to stand up to her.

"Don't do this to him," Vax was begging. " _Please_. Haven't I served you well? Hasn't _he_? We took down Vecna! We never could have done it without him. We wouldn't have had a prayer!"

_YOU THINK SO HIGHLY OF YOURSELVES. YOU BORROWED THE POWER OF GODS TO COMPLETE A TASK SET TO YOU BY GODS. YOU ARE BUT MORTAL INSTRUMENTS OF OUR DIVINE WILL. IT IS ONLY BY OUR BLESSINGS THAT YOU SURVIVED. IT IS ONLY BY OUR FAVOR THAT YOUR LIVES HAVE GAINED ANY MEASURE OF SIGNIFICANCE._

The worst part, Scanlan thought, was that she wasn't entirely wrong. They'd fought Vecna once without help from the gods, and it had been a slaughter. They had barely escaped, and not with all of their lives. That was the fight where they had lost Vax. Truly lost him, with no body left for them to try to raise. He was only here at all because the Raven Queen had brought him back.

Vax seemed lost for words. Finally he said, "Please. Please, just take me."

The Raven Queen was unmoved. _I WILL HAVE WHAT IS MINE, WHETHER YOU OR YOUR SISTER._ And she said to Scanlan, _MAKE YOUR CHOICE, LITTLE BARD._

She wasn't wrong that he and his friends had needed help from the gods. But she was wrong to say that they were only instruments. They had chosen to fight Vecna before even a single god had told them to. They had told the gods about the danger Vecna posed, not the other way around. And if not a single god had offered them help, they still would have fought Vecna. Even if it meant death for all of them. That was their decision, not hers or Pelor's or Sarenrae's or anyone else's.

And this was his decision. Not hers.

Scanlan stood up as straight as he could, and looked the blank white mask in the eye, and said, "No."

"Scanlan." Vax again, begging him now instead of her. "It's all right. I'm prepared for this. I would so much rather it be me than my sister. You know that. Just say my name. It's my choice, not yours, whatever she says about it."

He still had a chance, and he wasn't about to give it up. "I'm not going to do it," he said.

Vax shook his head and whispered fiercely, "Don't you dare think of offering yourself!"

That thought hadn't even occurred to him, actually. "I wasn't going to," he told Vax. "I can't. I have Kaylie to think about."

"Then what…? What is going on in your mind? What the hell are you _thinking_?"

He wasn't quite sure himself. He whispered back, "Just trust me."

And he said out loud to the Raven Queen, "I'm not going to choose between my friends."

_YOU ADMIT, THEN, THAT THE POWERS AND RESPONSIBILITIES I EXERCISE ARE BEYOND YOU. DECISIONS SUCH AS THIS ARE THE WARP AND WEFT OF MY EXISTENCE. A MERE MORTAL SUCH AS YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND._

Scanlan balled his hands into fists. He understood power trips just fine. "You know what?" he said. "Fuck you."

Vax shot him a warning look. He ignored it.

"Why can't you just let us be happy?" he said. "Just for a while. He's going to die eventually, and Vex will, and I will too. Everybody's gonna fucking die. So why don't you just WAIT?"  He spread his arms wide, mocking her, because she was being stupidly, pointlessly cruel and she deserved it. "Vex is right! You're immortal! What's the rush? What's a century or two to you? You could just back off and let us have a little time. It wouldn't cost you anything!"

_YOUR ANGER IS HARDLY WITHOUT PRECEDENT_ , the Raven Queen said. Her voice was full of condescension, and Scanlan _hated_ her. He hated her more than he'd hated anything in his life. _THIS ARGUMENT IS ONE THAT I HAVE HEARD MANY THOUSANDS OF TIMES BEFORE. MANY MORTALS REFUSE TO EMBRACE MORTALITY. BUT THE ORDER OF LIFE AND DEATH MUST BE MAINTAINED. I CANNOT ALLOW -_

"Just SHUT UP!" he shouted. "You CAN allow it! Because you're a GOD and you can do whatever the FUCK YOU WANT!"

He might have just doomed himself for eternity. He didn’t care. He was too angry to care. Vax was staring at him in horror, shaking his head, and even that Scanlan didn't give a shit about.

"Quit fucking lying," he told her, trembling from weakness and rage. "You are DECIDING to do this to us. You don't HAVE to! YOU were a mortal, and YOU didn’t die, and look, we're all still here. The world didn’t end because YOU stayed alive. So it's not going to fuck up your shitty natural order for just one…"

His voice broke. He had to stop and breathe for a moment. Had to wipe his face and scrub at his eyes because they kept welling up and he couldn't see.

"For one puny little mortal," he finally managed to say, "to live out a normal life, and then die at the end of it just like everybody else."

The Raven Queen was watching him, silent, motionless.

The anger had drained away, leaving him tired and melancholy. "I would never ask for Vax to be immortal," he said. "I get it. We can't live forever. If we try, we turn into monsters like Vecna, or the Briarwoods. We only get so much time, and… I'm not trying to get around that. I'm just saying that _you_ have a choice. You don't have to be cruel. You could be merciful. You could let your champion have a little more time."

 


	5. Chapter 5

_The god of Exandria considered in silence, and finally said, "Make a Persuasion check."_

_"With advantage? You've gotta give him advantage for that."_

_"Not with her," he replied. "Just a straight roll."_

_"Oh! Hey! You can inspire yourself!"_

_"Can I inspire myself?"_

_"Yeah, it's an ability check," the god said with a shrug. "If you have any uses of inspiration left… Now would be the time."_

_"I have one left. I will inspire myself. And I'll - oh, wait!"_  

_A rustle of paper._

_"Okay. Yeah. I will pull out my cowbell."_

_"Your… Oh, Jesus." The god facepalmed._

 

******************************

 

Scanlan had next to none of his magic left, and certainly no spells that could be any help to him now. But he did have the music. On a wild whim he dug through his pockets, looking for an item he'd found what seemed like years ago and never gotten rid of, a memento from the time they had all been cows.

He found the cowbell buried in his satchel and brought it out. He had to listen hard - with the Raven Queen looming over him, Death literally staring him in the face, it wasn't exactly easy to concentrate. But he caught enough of the otherworldly tune running through the back of his mind to tap the cowbell in time with the beat. He sang the words to himself, under his breath - "Nor do the wind and the sun and the rain. You can be like they are." _Come on Scanlan. Don't fear the reaper._

And he took Vax's hand _. Don't fear the reaper_. He looked up at Vax _\- you can already fly_ \- and sang to him, "Don't fear the reaper! Vaxy, I'm your gnomeeeeee~!"

 

******************************

 

_The whole table was singing, banging on coffee mugs and dice boxes with pencils and pens because they didn't have an actual cowbell available. The god couldn't help himself - he nodded his head along with the beat and finally, toward the end, joined in._

_"All right," he said, once they'd gotten that out of their systems. "Go ahead and roll."_

_"Before you do, whatever happens, it's fine. However it pans out, this was fucking amazing."_

_"Okay."_

_A pair of dice tumbled and clattered._

_"…that's pretty low."_

_"That's not terrible. Honestly, with your Persuasion, that isn't bad."_

_"Okay, that's… Thirty-two."_

_"Thirty-two," the god repeated._

_He covered his mouth with one hand to maintain suspense._

_The players would know the result too soon if they saw his smile._

 

****************************** 

 

The Raven Queen kept staring at him, unmoving - but there was a change in the air, a lightening of tension. His music had done something. He just wasn't sure what.

The silence lasted far too long for comfort. Scanlan was on the verge of telling the god of death to _hurry up and fucking say something_ when she finally did.

_FEW MORTALS HAVE DARED BE SO BRAZEN AS TO CONTRADICT A DEITY. FEWER STILL OF YOUR SMALL KIND, FRAIL AND FEW IN NUMBER AS YOU ARE. SURPASSINGLY FEW HAVE DEFIED TWO GODS WITHIN THEIR LIFETIMES, LET ALONE WITHIN THE SPAN OF A SINGLE DAY. AND NEVER - NEVER IN MY THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF EXISTENCE - HAVE I MET A MORTAL QUITE SO… IRREPRESSIBLE AS YOU._

She paused, as if considering something - or maybe for dramatic effect. Scanlan knew that trick well.

_SCANLAN SHORTHALT. I WILL GRANT YOU THIS BOON. YOUR FRIENDS VEX'AHLIA AND VAX'ILDAN WILL LIVE._

"…oh."

It didn't feel real. He'd thought she was going to smite him. Not - not _give in_. Not do what he wanted.

_BUT IF THEY SHOULD DIE FOR ANY REASON - WHETHER IN BATTLE, WHETHER BY ACCIDENT OR BY ILLNESS - IF EITHER OF THEM SHOULD DIE BY ANY MEANS, NO SPELL NOR RITUAL WILL RESTORE THEM TO LIFE. THEY WILL BELONG TO ME._

So it wasn't too good to be true. There was a cost. That stung, but it was a thousand times better than either of the twins dying right there and then. He nodded. "Okay. That's fair."

_THERE IS MORE, AND YOU MAY NOT BE SO SANGUINE WHEN I HAVE FINISHED. A BALANCE MUST BE STRUCK._ The Raven Queen's mask turned toward Vex, and then Vax. _YOUR SISTER, YOUNG VELORA VESSAR, HAS HAD ONE RESURRECTION. SHE WILL NOT HAVE ANOTHER. IF SHE SHOULD DIE AGAIN, HER SOUL WILL NOT RETURN TO YOU._

Scanlan was about to object, but Vax beat him to it. "Velora has nothing to do with this!"

_SHE HAS TO DO WITH YOU. A WISH COMES WITH A PRICE._ The Raven Queen looked past Vax and Scanlan to where Percy stood, still locked in place mid-step. _TODAY CASSANDRA DE ROLO PASSED INTO MY DOMAIN AND WAS BROUGHT BACK. SHE WILL NOT RETURN AGAIN FROM SUCH A JOURNEY._

Scanlan shut his eyes tight. There was a pattern to this. He had just realized what was coming next, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

_SO TOO FOR KAYLIE SHORTHALT. IF YOUR DAUGHTER LOSES HER LIFE AGAIN, IT IS GONE._

"I won't let her," he said, almost choking on the words. He had never imagined that this might happen - not _Kaylie_ \- and if he had known, if he had somehow foreseen this, he might never have cast the Wish. He might have let Vax go rather than risk losing his daughter. "But they're all safe now? They're all…?" He looked up at the Raven Queen, not caring that desperation would be written all over his face.

She inclined her head toward him in a vague, uncannily fluid movement that might have been a nod. _THEY ARE ALIVE AND WELL AT PRESENT, AND THEY ARE LIKELY TO REMAIN SO FOR SOME TIME. I WILL NOT INTERFERE WITH THEIR CONTINUED EXISTENCE. I WILL NOT AID, BUT NEITHER WILL I HARM THEM, NOR CAUSE ANY OTHER TO DO THEM HARM._

Scanlan covered his face with his hands and let out a huge sigh. It was done. It wasn't quite what he'd wanted, but no one he loved had died, at least not for now. There was nothing more to fear. He felt like he was about to collapse. Only Vax's warm hand on his back kept him from falling to his knees, or breaking down into sobs, or both.

_LITTLE BARD,_ the Raven Queen said.

So she wasn't done yet. Scanlan wiped his face with his sleeves and let his hands fall, facing her again. Whatever she did to him, it was fine.

_MY CLAIM LIES UPON YOU AS WELL,_ she told him. Of course it would - that made sense. He had died a few times before. _WHEN YOU DIE, YOUR SOUL WILL BE BEYOND THE REACH OF RESURRECTION. BUT… FOR A DIFFERENT REASON, IN YOUR CASE._

The Raven Queen's form began to shrink, from taller than Grog down to the size of a normal, mortal woman. She was still much taller than Scanlan, but just a touch shorter than Vax, about the height of an average human or elf. She moved forward to stand just inches in front of Scanlan, and she stooped down to match his height. She reached toward him - he flinched, but she ignored it - and she took his hand between hers. Her long fingers were icy cold.

_WHEN YOU REACH THE END OF YOUR DAYS,_ she said, _I WILL BRING YOU BEFORE THE CIRCLE OF PRIME DEITIES TO BE JUDGED._

Scanlan had no idea what that meant for him. The Nine Hells, maybe, if the gods judged him and found him wanting. He wasn't going to argue, though. It was still worth it. He nodded and said shakily, "All right."

"Judged for WHAT?" Vax's voice was equal parts indignant and afraid. "Just for talking? Just for trying to convince you? Surely that's no sin! Whatever punishment you have in mind for him, let me bear it. Let me be the one to -"

_BE CALM, MY FORMER CHAMPION,_ the Raven Queen said, interrupting him. Her mask hadn't changed at all, but there was amusement in her voice now _. YOUR PENCHANT FOR SELF-SACRIFICE IS ENDEARING, BUT UNWANTED NOW. THERE IS NO PUNISHMENT._

And then - it was the strangest thing - the mask was still there, but to Scanlan it seemed transparent. He could see the face behind it, pale and beautiful, with thin arched brows and a narrow, elegant nose, with crimson eyes that somehow weren't at all unnatural or frightening. Her expression was sad, but there was a tinge of something else to it, a quirk at the corner of her prim mouth that held just a hint of humor.

_I cannot speak for the rest,_ she said, her lips moving in sync with the voice echoing through his mind. _But I believe Ioun and Sarenrae will agree with me. We could use another trickster among our number._

And she smiled, ever so softly, and winked at him. And before he could speak or even begin to form a question, the Raven Queen vanished in a _puff_ of jet-black feathers.   

Scanlan said, in a very small voice, "…what?"

Before he could figure out what the hell had just happened, Vax picked him up and squeezed him hard and planted a kiss right on his mouth. And yelled at the top of his lungs, "YOU BRILLIANT MOTHERFUCKER!"

Vex slammed into Vax, almost toppling him over, unfrozen now that the Raven Queen was gone. She wrapped her arms around Vax and Scanlan together. She kissed Scanlan on the forehead, pulled him close to her chest, and whispered into his hair, "Thank you thank you thank you, you saved him, oh gods, Scanlan, thank heaven for you!"

He couldn't see a thing from where he was now, sandwiched between the twins with their long dark hair hanging all around him and his face smushed into Vex's collarbone. But he felt someone else run into Vax and heard a sob that sounded like Keyleth. Then a series of little wet noises, like kisses, from somewhere around where Vax's face would be - definitely Keyleth. And then a gasp. "Vax. Vax! You're warm!" 

Come to think of it, he was. Scanlan wiggled a hand free from Vex's embrace and laid it on Vax's chest - even through the armor, his body was warm. And there was a heartbeat, steady and strong, as fast as a half-elf's heart should be instead of the slow, intermittent _thump_ that had been there before.

"Hey, you lot, don't squash him! Let him breathe." A giant hand plucked Scanlan out of the twins' grasp, hoisting him upward by the back of his shirt. Grog held him up at arm's length a good nine feet above the ground.

"Not bad," Grog said. "Not fucking bad, Scanlan!" He grinned, showing off all his broken, crooked teeth.

"High praise coming from you, Grog." He could breathe better up here, Grog hadn't been wrong about that, but being held up by his shirt wasn't exactly comfortable. All of his weight was on his armpits. "Could you put me down?"

"Right! You got it, buddy." Grog set him down gently, steadying him when he wobbled on his feet, then ruffled his hair hard enough to make his head hurt. Between that and Vax's pointy chin, he was going to have bruises on his scalp. Not that it wasn't worth it.

He looked around him, dazed, at Vax and Keyleth locked in an embrace, her shaking with sobs and him whispering comfort in her ear. At Vex, still standing close to her brother, weeping freely without a bit of sorrow and with no effort to hide it. At Percy, who quietly approached to take his wife's hand, looking solemn as ever and just a bit stunned.

And he looked at Pike - who was watching him. Who had tears dripping off her chin and the biggest, brightest smile he'd ever seen her wear. She stepped towards him when he noticed her, her armor glinting in the sun.

"Hey Pike," he said, a little breathless.

She didn't say anything. She just rested her armored hands on either side of his face and kissed him.

Somewhere, miles away, his friends were cheering and clapping and whistling and making jokes at his and Pike's expense. Scanlan barely noticed. His mind had stuttered to a halt, and the only thing on it now was that Pike's lips were really soft. And that she smelled good, somehow, even after all the fighting and running around they'd been doing. And that he didn't know where she had learned to kiss, but she was _amazing_ at it - much better than him right now, he was off his game, she'd surprised him -

Pike broke the kiss and pulled away just enough to throw her arms around Scanlan's neck and hug him. She leaned on him a little too hard - he didn't have enough strength left to keep both of them upright. He fell flat on his back on the dusty ground with Pike on top of him, her weight knocking the air out of his lungs and one of her armored knees landing dangerously close to a very sensitive part of him.

"Oh no! I'm sorry!" Pike scrambled off of him and knelt at his side. "Are you okay?"

"Fine!" he wheezed. "I'm just… Just really tired." Lying down felt fantastic, actually. He could have fallen asleep right there. "I think I'm just going to stay down here for a while."

"Oh good, you're still here." Allura's voice, from somewhere off to his right. "Vex, I was going to ask - oh. What…? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

A babble of voices answered her all at once, his friends talking over each other in an excited clusterfuck of a conversation that had to be confusing as hell for poor Allura.

Scanlan looked up at Pike and gave her his most charming smile. "So hi."

Pike giggled, blushing bright red. "Hi. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Oh, I'm very all right!" he told her. "After that kiss, I'm better than I've ever been. Do you, ah, maybe…" He didn't want to push too hard. He had proposed to her once, just blurted it out, and that had been a disaster. "Would you like to have a drink with me later?"

"Sure," she said. "I would like that."

And she smiled at him, and smoothed his hair away from his forehead, and rested her hand on his cheek, and he was so in love. Just, gone. Lost. Hopeless. It was the best feeling in the world.

"Great." His silver tongue seemed to have gone missing. He couldn't think of a single thing to say. "That's… That's really great."

"Allura, if you wouldn't mind," Vax was saying. "Something's wrong with Scanlan."

Scanlan sat up, with a little help from Pike, so that he could see everyone. "I'm fine, really," he told Allura. "I think I just overdid it with the magic."

"You keep falling over," Grog said. "That's not right. You're not very tough, but you can generally stand up."

"That's… You said he cast Wish?" Allura asked, and got a nod from Vax. "Scanlan, I think you have Wish sickness."

"Oh. Is that a thing?" He had heard rumors about casters losing the ability to Wish if they pushed the spell too far, but not about anything like this.

"If you use a Wish to do something that takes more magic than you have, it will pull the energy it needs from wherever it can," Allura said. "Including from you. This is really interesting - I'm sorry, I just, I've heard of it but I've never actually seen…" She shook her head. "Right in front of the Raven Queen? My goodness." 

"Is he going to be okay?" Pike asked, with the cutest little worried wrinkle in her brow.

Allura nodded. "He'll be fine in a few days, but he needs to rest. Don't cast any spells for now, Scanlan. It's going to hurt if you try."

"Sure." He didn't feel up to spellcasting anyway. "Rest sounds great right now. Guys, can we go rest?"

 


	6. Chapter 6

Vox Machina marched victorious through the streets of Vasselheim - well, most of them marched. Scanlan didn't, because Grog was carrying him around like an infant. He had tried to protest, but Pike had put her hands on her hips and given him The Mom Look and that had been the end of that.

He would have been perfectly happy to rest up at the Platinum Sanctuary - Allura had offered them a set of bunks there - but Vax had insisted they find an inn with real beds in separate rooms so that they could rest properly. Which Scanlan suspected was because Vax wanted some private time with Keyleth so that they could get naked and bone each other. He said as much, and got a scandalized blush from Keyleth and a knowing smirk from Vax in response.

Vex found an inn for them that looked reasonably clean and comfortable. They tried to purchase rooms for the night, but the innkeeper, a matronly human woman in her sixties, wasn't having it. She refused to take money from the Heroes of the Titan's Fall, which apparently was what the people of Vasselheim were calling them now. She gave them the whole top floor of the inn to themselves, even moving a few other guests to different rooms to give them privacy.

As soon as Scanlan was alone in his room, he stripped his clothes off, flopped facedown onto the huge human-sized bed, and passed out.

 

******************************

 

"Scanlan." Pressure on his shoulder, someone shaking him gently. "Wake up, you silly bugger." Vax's voice.

Scanlan mumbled a stream of curses into the blankets beneath him. He had been having such a nice nap - no dreams, no restlessness, just complete relaxation. Maybe if he stayed still Vax would leave him alone and let him sleep.

Another shake. "Come on, get up. Wakey wakey."

So much for that idea. He rolled over, yawning loudly, and gave Vax the middle finger with both hands.

Vax looked him up and down and oh, right, he was naked. "Not a cube," Vax said. "I'm so disappointed."

"I'm barely conscious. You're not seeing it at its full potential." He stretched his arms and yawned again, then put on a seductive pose with both hands behind his head and one knee bent - a little present for Vax for waking him up. "So you kissed me earlier, and now you're sneaking into my room to ogle me while I'm nude. Are you… trying to tell me something?" He waggled his eyebrows, and something else, suggestively.

Vax said dryly, "I just can't resist, you sexy thing. Get up, we're going out. Dinner and drinks. I'll buy you an ale."

"All right, fine." Food sounded great, actually - he was starving. The last time he'd eaten anything was when the group had a Heroes' Feast back in the Feywild. That seemed like days ago.

"You need a bath before we go anywhere," Vax said. "You're covered in dirt and you reek. I'll find the innkeeper and have her bring up some hot water." He turned to leave.

"Don't tell her I'm naked!" Scanlan called after him. 

Vax laughed, already halfway out the door. "Put some clothes on, you perverted little man!"

He did not put some clothes on. Sadly, it was one of the innkeeper's sons who arrived with a tub of water, a bar of soap, and a towel a few minutes later. The big bearded man was no fun at all. He dropped his things off at the foot of the bed, took one look at Scanlan, shook his head, and left, closing the door behind him.

 

******************************

 

Freshly bathed and wearing a clean set of clothes, Scanlan met up with his friends in the cramped little sitting room at the front of the inn. Trinket and Grog alone took up half the space - and Grog looked different. He had been pale and gaunt and red-eyed ever since he'd picked up the Sword of Kas, but now he was back to normal. And the sword was missing. Grog had his dwarven throwing hammer hanging from his belt again.

There was a story there, but Scanlan would have to ask about it later, because Grog was busy talking Kima's ear off. She must have shown up from somewhere while he was sleeping. Her armor was coated with blood and grime and dented in more places than it was whole, but she was smiling from ear to ear, listening eagerly as Grog gave her a blow-by-blow account of the battle with Vecna.

All of his friends were there, except for Pike - and then she greeted them all from right behind him. She had changed out of her armor and was wearing a simple blue dress that brought out her eyes. Her hair was down for once, except for two little braids on the sides of her head that met up in the back. She looked gorgeous. Scanlan told her so, and she gave him a sweet smile and a kiss on the cheek.

Vex asked Kima where they could find a good meal, and she suggested a nearby restaurant. Marquesian food, which wouldn't have been Scanlan's first choice - it was practically all he had eaten for the past eight months - but according to Kima, Allura loved the place and would be happy to meet them there. So he didn't raise any objections. With Kima in the lead, he and his friends headed outside into the cool air of Vasselheim at dusk.

The restaurant was not at all authentic. The décor was a blunt parody of Ank'Harel's unique style, with furniture that was far too bulky and that had obviously been rubbed with ochre in a failed attempt to make new pine pass for antique ironwood. The flatbread was too puffy, the yogurt sauce tasted of lemon instead of lime, and the spice rub on the skewers of meat didn't have nearly enough fusaka in it. The food was tasty enough in its own way, though, and Scanlan and his friends were ravenous. They made short work of their meal. Grog ate a goat's worth of curry on his own, and an entire basket of flatbread, and Scanlan was very glad he wouldn't be sharing a room with the big guy that night. He would probably hear the farts from down the hall, but at least he wouldn't have to deal with the olfactory experience.

Vax, in between bites of food, spent the whole time chattering away about his plans for the future now that he had one. He was excited to settle down in Zephrah, to travel with Keyleth and visit the other Ashari tribes, to maybe sort of retire, to definitely lounge around like a lazy bastard except when Keyleth needed a bodyguard. He was happier and more animated than Scanlan had ever seen him. It felt great to be the cause of that. Their lives had been like a hurricane for the past week - he doubted that Vax would stay retired for more than a few months, but a nice long vacation would definitely be good for him.

Allura finally showed up just as they were finishing dessert, a delicate pastry drizzled with honey that had set Trinket begging until Vex fed him a piece. Kima had saved a plate for her, fortunately - Allura quickly greeted them all, then sat down next to Kima and started in on the spiced potato dumplings.

"Now that we've got you both here, there's something I wanted to talk with the two of you about," Vax said to Allura and Kima. "Scanlan, apparently - now brace yourselves, because this is truly frightening. Our music man here left such an impression on the Raven Queen that she said, whenever he kicks the bucket, she'll take him before the whole pantheon of gods to decide…" He stopped, and shook his head. "I can't even say it. It's too bizarre!"

So his friends had heard that part of what the Raven Queen told him. Scanlan hadn't been sure. At the time it had seemed like she was speaking to him alone. And he had been hoping that the rest of them didn't hear. He'd been hoping to forget all about it himself, to pretend that he'd misheard her or that he'd imagined it. Because Vax was right. If she had meant what he thought she did - what he knew she'd meant, honestly - that was _terrifying_. 

"He might become a god," Vex said quietly. "He might ascend."

Kima set her drink down carefully, staring at Vex. "You're shitting me."

There was a long pause. Crickets chirped, figuratively speaking. Imaginary tumbleweeds blew by.

"…you're not shitting me, are you," Kima finally said.

"I wasn't sure I had heard correctly when you told me that before," Allura murmured.

Scanlan decided the conversation could use a dash of humor. He put on a big shit-eating grin and said, "Kima, will you worship me when I'm a god? Will you pray to me?"

"Oh dear sweet Bahamut." Kima covered her face with both hands. 

"Actually," he said, "I was hoping that you and Bahamut could help me with something. I have this weird rash on my left -"

Pike and Vex stopped him mid-sentence with a simultaneous death glare. Allura said sweetly, "I've heard that story. If you try to show my wife your left anything, you will no longer have that left thing to show anyone ever again."

He shrugged, still smiling. "God, remember? I'll just grow a new one."

"Not when I'm done with you." Allura stabbed her fork into a bit of cauliflower with vicious precision.

Grog spoke up. "But, like, what does it mean?" he asked. "Is Scanlan gonna live forever, in one of those shiny planes we went to? And have lots of paladins and clerics and temples and all?"

"I don't know, Grog," Pike replied. She sounded a little worried.

Kima dropped her hands to reveal a serious, pensive expression. "Not all gods are as powerful as the Prime Deities," she said. "Most of them aren't. There are all sorts of minor deities and demigods. Hundreds of them, maybe thousands. They do tend to be immortal, but they're not invulnerable, and there are limits to their powers."

Allura nodded. "Honestly, I don't know that it would be much different from anyone else's death. You'd be locked away behind the Divine Gate. You wouldn't be able to visit our plane."

"But we just saw the Raven Queen today," Grog said.

"You saw her avatar," Allura said. "It's sort of a projection. It wasn't actually her, just a tiny sliver of her power, whatever she could make manifest through the Divine Gate."

"It sounds almost like being a ghost, Scanlan," Keyleth said. "You'd be here, but not here, sort of."

Scanlan didn't know how to respond to that morbid thought. He hadn't asked for this, and he was pretty sure he didn't want it. Outliving everyone else, going on when all the people he loved were dead - what the Raven Queen had given him was a curse. He knew now why Keyleth got so miserable sometimes.

And he wanted to see Kaylie, very suddenly and very badly. He needed to make sure that she was all right, and that she was being careful, and he needed to talk with her about this insane thing that had happened - but he couldn't go now. They were all planning to travel to Whitestone in the morning, using one of Keyleth's spells to stride through trees, and they would find Gilmore and Cassandra and his daughter from there. Well, he _could_ go without his friends - he could just Wish to be wherever Kaylie was - but he didn't know what his magic would do. He wasn't sure whether it would work or whether it would drain more of his strength away. He felt a little better for having rested, but he was still much weaker than he should have been.

"But that's after you die, you little shit," Vax said. "And apparently you're unkillable. Vecna certainly tried."

True. It was a long time ahead. For now… For now he could just forget, and live out his days like he would have without something like that hanging over his head.

"Tried and failed," he said. "I was surprised he didn't focus more on you, Grog. You were tearing him to pieces!" 

Grog grinned. "Yeah, I busted him up good! Did you hear Percy though?" He put on a high-pitched voice that was a better match for a five-year-old girl than for Percy. "'Oh, I can't possibly do anything!' And then he blows this fucking huge hole right through Vecna, and Vecna's screaming like a fucking banshee and there's just bone bits flying everywhere! Pike told me about that. Fucking incredible, mate."

"You saved me from those skeletons too, Percy," Scanlan chimed in. "You have my sincere gratitude."

Percy was looking down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them where they rested on the table. He had seemed twitchy all night, like he was expecting something bad to happen, and from the look on his face now his mind was off in some other world where everything was terrible. Vex nudged him with her elbow, and he exchanged a tense look with her. Finally he said, in a flat, humorless tone, "Keyleth, becoming a planetar was… was very intelligent. That was exactly the right move."

Scanlan gave a mental shrug. He didn't know what was bothering Percy, but with Percy, who ever knew? He could sulk all he wanted - just as long as he didn't start spewing black smoke again. Or keeping lists of people to murder.

"Thank you, Percy," Keyleth said. "I, uh… Um…" She looked around the table in an obvious, awkward search for something to say. "Pike! You were really pretty! With the wings, I mean. They really suited you."

Pike smiled. "Thanks! I did like being able to fly. Well, guys, I guess we could sit around complimenting each other all night. Or…" She steepled her fingers and gave them all a mischievous look. "We could go find a pub and get hammered."

"Yeah!" Grog said immediately. "Let's get some fucking ale!" He held out his hand and got a high five from Pike that was more of a low five for him.

"That's a great idea, Pike," Scanlan said. She had promised him a drink. He wasn't sure it would happen tonight, not with all their friends looking to celebrate together, but there was at least some chance the two of them could sneak off by themselves. And then they could figure out whether that kiss from earlier would lead to something more… He certainly hoped it would.

Allura said, "I don't often drink, but given the circumstances…" She glanced at Kima. "What do you think, dear?"

"Oh hells yes," Kima said, popping up from her seat at the table. "Honey, I am getting you wasted!"

"A drink or five would be amazing," Vex said, already digging through her coin purse to pay for their meal.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Allura led them all to The Quarry's End, a smelly, musty, rundown tavern that was absolutely perfect for Vox Machina's collective mood. The place was packed with people, most of them soldiers or monks or pit fighters from the Braving Grounds, warriors of one sort or another. In one corner a band of minstrels were tuning their instruments, setting up to play. 

Grog cleared one of the larger tables for them by grinning at the group of townspeople surrounding it, scaring them half to death and sending them scurrying for the bar. Vax slapped five platinum coins down on the table and shouted to the barkeep to bring a round of ale for everyone - not just his friends, but everyone in the tavern. That earned him cheers from the crowd and a few slaps on the back from a trio of friendly drunkards at the table next to theirs.

It didn't take much alcohol to get his friends started on celebrating. Two drinks into the night, Vax and Keyleth were already dancing a slow waltz to the minstrels' slightly off-key version of a Draconian ballad. Allura and Kima were right next to them, arms wrapped around each other, swaying gently in time with the music. Pike was trying to teach Grog how to dance - she had asked Scanlan to dance with her, but his legs were still too wobbly and he'd had to turn her down. It had worked out all right, though, because now he got to watch her adorable efforts to get Grog's big lumbering steps to follow any sort of a pattern. She had one arm held up over her head to hold Grog's hand - or Grog's little finger, actually, because that was as much of his hand as hers would fit around.

The minstrels finished their song and switched to another one, a lively little tune that Scanlan hadn't heard before. His friends stayed on the dance floor, and several other couples came forward from various parts of the tavern to join them.

"Percy, let's dance," Vex said, her voice barely audible over the music. "Come on, sweetheart."

Percy said something that Scanlan didn't catch, but it was growly and irritated and, from Vex's reaction, apparently a no.

Vex sighed. "I'm getting another drink. Scanlan, do you want anything?"

"I wouldn't say no to another ale," he told her. The barkeep had served him his ale in a small mug sized for halflings and gnomes, and he had nearly finished it by now. "Thanks."

Vex nodded to him, and said something to Percy in a harsh whisper, and then left their table for the bar.

Scanlan said to Percy, "You know, you're really being an ass tonight. A beautiful woman, who had the grace and generosity to marry you, now wants to dance with you. And you're saying no?"

"It's none of your business," Percy grumbled, staring at his wineglass and swirling the dregs.

That was bullshit, and Scanlan ignored it with a vengeance. "She's my friend, and you are too," he said. "I'd like the two of you to be happy. Live a little! This morning I thought we were all going to die, but here we are, alive and well. You never know what's going to happen. You should enjoy this while you can."

"You almost -" Percy shook his head slowly, clenching his free hand so tightly that the leather of his glove creaked. "I'm not going to forgive you as easily as she did."

So Percy was pissed off at him about something. That explained his behavior tonight - but now the question was what had pissed him off. "Forgive me?" Scanlan said, genuinely puzzled. "For what, for leaving? For coming back? For saving your brother-in-law?"

"For risking my _wife!_ " Percy said, spitting the words through gritted teeth. "You could have _killed_ her! Do you have _any_ idea how close that was?"  

The anger made sense now. Percy wasn't wrong - Scanlan had taken a risk. But everyone was fine, and that wouldn't be true if he had done nothing.

"I worded that Wish very carefully," he said.

"For all the good _that_ did!" Percy waved his hand as he spoke and nearly lost hold of his glass, and sloshed wine all over his arm in the process. He gave a frustrated snort and plunked the glass down on the table hard enough to crack its base. "Playing god, the Raven Queen said. She was right about that. I can't think of a worse person to have the kind of power that you have. That you fling about carelessly, like it's nothing."

"Oh, I see," Scanlan said, rolling his eyes. This wasn't just about Vex - it was Percy's god complex talking. "Percy isn't in control, so Percy lashes out. Well, what would _you_ have done?"

Percy dodged the question. "You'll get one of us killed one day," he said, "and I'm sure you'll find some way to excuse yourself for it."

Scanlan was starting to get angry himself. "Do you think I don't know how fucked up it is that I have all this power?" he said. "That I can change what people remember, what they feel, what they'll do? Just make reality whatever I want it to be?" He usually tried not to think about it - brooding wasn't his style - but he wasn't an idiot. He knew the spells he had were almost too dangerous for anyone to wield, let alone a liar and a thief like him. "We're all monsters by now," he said. "We had to be, or we could never have beaten Vecna."    

"You're a little more monstrous than most of us," Percy said.

"I realize that." Keyleth's magic might rival his, but she was the only one even close.

"And I don't care if you do realize it, because it doesn’t make a damned bit of difference in your shitty rash decisions. If she had…" Percy stopped and looked down at the table, breathing hard. And looked back up, and told Scanlan flatly, "You wouldn't have lived long after that."

"I would have let you," Scanlan said. And he would have, too. He would have stood still and let Percy put a bullet through his head if that had happened, because he would have deserved it if he'd gotten Vex killed.

But Vex was fine, and Vax was fine, and he didn't have to think about what it would be like if that weren't the case.

He lifted his mug and drank the last few swallows of ale it held. Over in the corner the minstrels changed their song again, this time to a sweet, sad melody that he recognized as an old love song from one of the great Issylrian bards.

"You -" Percy was shaking his head again. "You held onto that spell when we were fighting for our lives against a god. The whole fucking world was at risk, and you held back! You could have killed us all with that."

That wasn't fair. "If I had to use it then, I would have," he told Percy. "I fought as hard as any of you. But I suppose you think I shouldn't have even tried to save Vax."

"You should have told us what you were planning," Percy said.

"Sure, and give false hope if it didn't work," he replied. That had been one of his biggest fears, that he would try and fail and break everyone's hearts not once, but twice. "And what about you, Percy? You had a plan. You didn't tell anyone what you were going to do."

"That… that wasn’t planned." Percy looked uncomfortable now that he was the topic of conversation. "We're not talking about me, we're talking about you." Because ripping Scanlan a new one was fine with Percy, but apparently the snooty rich fucker couldn't be expected to handle any scrutiny himself.

"We're only talking about me because you missed your own chance to be the hero," Scanlan said. And just to wind Percy up, he added, "Admit it. You're jealous."

" _Jealous?!"_ Percy spit. "My WIFE -"

"- is perfectly fine, right there at the bar, waiting for the bartender to bring her a glass of wine." Scanlan pointed toward Vex. She was turned towards them, looking vaguely in their direction as she leaned on the bar, but she didn't seem to notice him. "Just tell me, Percy. What were you going to do? What could you possibly have done to stop the Raven Queen?"

"It doesn't matter."

More bullshit. "It does!" Scanlan said. "It matters to you, clearly! What, did you think one of your guns could stop her? Were you going to offer yourself, do some kind of exchange?"

"None of the above," Percy muttered. "I was going to invoke the Third Pact."

Scanlan had no idea what that meant. "The Third…?"

"The Third Pact," Percy repeated. "You remember, in the -" He stopped, and sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh bloody hell, you weren't there. We went to the Nine Hells without you while you'd fucked off to Ank'Harel to become a crime lord. Thanks for that, by the way." He opened the satchel at his side and fished around inside it for a moment, then pulled out a folded piece of paper and thrust it at Scanlan.

"Go on, Percival, let it all out," Scanlan said. "Tell me how you really feel." He took the paper and unfolded it. A contract - Vex had told him a little about this, some deal that Vox Machina had made a year ago with a devil in the City of Dis. He had never learned all the details, though. He skimmed through it, skipping to the third section. Ancient power - the ability to restore oneself or allies, or to rip the life away from an enemy - in exchange for…

He froze. And blinked. And read that part of the contract again. And looked up at Percy, disbelieving. "Your everlasting _soul?_ "

"Yes." Percy wasn't looking at him. He was gazing across the room, unfocused, lost in the middle distance somewhere.

Scanlan carefully folded the contract again and set it on the table. He was half tempted to burn the thing to ash right then to keep it from ever being used. He said quietly, "You would have given that for Vax?"

"For Vex, really," Percy said, his lips barely moving.

"Oh, yes, well _that_ would have made her happy. Losing her husband instead of her brother would been just _fantastic_ for her, I'm sure." Maybe he should have toned down the sarcasm, taken some of the bite out of it - but it was a really, really, incredibly stupid thing that Percy had tried to do. If being mean about it might make Percy think twice before doing something that self-destructive in future, then Scanlan was going to be as mean as possible.

"It wouldn't have been immediate. And…" Percy sighed again, and rubbed his temples, and slipped his fingers beneath his glasses to rub at his eyes. "If I'm honest, it would have been for me. Just… Just to show her. The Raven Queen. Just to get back at her."

Of course. That made perfect sense. Out of all of them, with all of their lost loved ones and grief and trauma, Percy was the one who'd lost the most to the Goddess of Death. All of his siblings, except for Cassandra. Both of his parents. And he might have seen it happen - Scanlan wasn't sure. Either way, he had every right to hate the Raven Queen.

But it was still a fucking stupid thing to do. If Percy had pulled it off, he would have left them all devastated - especially Vex. Or he would have gotten them all killed trying to save him.

"Vax would never have wanted you to do that," Scanlan said.

Percy glared at him and said in a near shout, "You did almost the same fucking thing!"

"I wasn't _trying_ to!" he yelled back. "It could have ended up that way, but I didn't _plan_ on it!"

"You didn't plan on _anything!_ " Percy bellowed. "If you were going to use that spell and get away with it, you should have cast it sooner. Before she showed up. You should have -" 

"Percy."

Scanlan jumped - Vex had appeared out of nowhere. She'd snuck up on them, just as stealthy as her brother had ever been. She set down a huge mug of ale in front of Scanlan, and she brushed one hand over her eyes, scattering tears across her cheeks. And she said to Percy, furiously, "You need to remember, darling, that I can read lips."

Oh _. Oh._ Scanlan had forgotten that too. If she had been watching them this whole time… That was… Well, it wasn't good for Percy. And Percy knew it, from the look on his face.

The music had stopped. One of the minstrels, the singer, was thanking the crowd and promising that her troupe would play more songs after a short break.

"I'll just leave you two alone," he said to Vex and Percy, and clambered down from his seat. Human-sized barstools were usually no trouble for him, but today was an exception thanks to the Wish. He made it to the ground safely, but not easily, almost tipping the barstool over on his way down.

"Scanlan, wait," Vex said. "There's absolutely nothing to forgive you for. If I had that spell, I would have done the same. And I thank you for it."

"So you would have broken the deal," Percy said. He really should have shut up, Scanlan thought, but apparently he couldn't help himself. "You would have traded yourself for -"

"NO!" Vex said, loudly enough that the drunks at the table next to theirs turned their heads. "No, I wouldn't have! Because I have YOU to think of, you stupid man! And you would have just left me. On purpose. Keyleth…" She looked around the room quickly. "Keyleth killed my sister," she whispered, too low for anyone but the three of them to hear, "and I've already forgiven her because it was an accident and there was no way to avoid it in a fight like that. Scanlan took a risk, but it was worth it in the end. But _you_ would have broken my heart either way. Whether it worked or not. And… And you have broken it." She wrapped her arms around herself, crying freely now.

Vax was approaching them, moving slowly through the crowded tavern, squeezing past an oblivious group of soldiers who were blocking his path. He finally reached their table. "What's going on?" he said. "Vex? What happened?"

"Not now, brother," Vex said, dipping her head and hiding her tearstained cheeks behind her hair.

Percy was still trying to talk, fumbling at an apology. "I… Vex'ahlia…" He tried to touch Vex's arm, but she pulled away from him. "I didn't think -"

"Clearly!" she snapped.

"I just thought…" Percy let out a sigh and ran one hand through his prematurely white hair. "I thought… I thought that if you had the choice, you'd want -"

"Fucking hell," Vex said, glaring at him. "Do _not_ fucking say that to me. Don't you _dare_."

"Stubby," Vax said gently. "What's wrong? Tell me."

Vex didn't answer him. "Come here," she said to Percy. And she grabbed her husband's arm and marched him out of the tavern, through the front door.

Vax watched them go, his brow furrowed. As soon as they were out of sight, he turned to Scanlan and asked, "What the fuck was that about?"

Scanlan shook his head. "Just let them talk," he said. "Percy…" He thought about telling Vax what Percy had been trying to do, and then he thought better of it. It hadn't happened, and it wasn't going to happen now. "Never mind. Don’t worry about it. I'm sure you'll hear the whole story from Vex later on."

The contract was still sitting there next to the mug of ale that Vex had brought him. Scanlan gingerly pulled it down from the edge of the table. This seemingly innocuous bit of paper was one of the most dangerous things he had ever encountered. He wasn't going to let Percy have it back, that was for certain - but he didn't want to keep it himself either. And now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure it was safe to destroy it. Burning the contract might get rid of it, or it might set off all the pacts at once. He had no way to know. He had no experience with this sort of thing.

"Right, you lot! Move!" Grog was pushing his way through the crowd, which didn't take much effort for someone his size. Pike was perched on his shoulder, her white hair shining like a halo in the light from the tavern's grimy oil lamps. As soon as Grog made it to the table, he swung Pike down from his shoulder one-handed and set her on her feet next to Scanlan.

"Thanks Grog," she said. And then, to Scanlan, "Hey! Why the long face?"

"Yeah, what was all that yelling?" Grog asked. "Did Percy hit on some tart or something and Vex saw it?"

Scanlan looked at Pike, and then at the contract in his hand, and back at Pike. He couldn't think of a single person who would be able to handle something like this better than her. This thing was evil, and kicking the shit out of evil was her specialty.

"Could you do me a favor?" he asked, and held out the paper to her. "Take this and see if you can find a way to get rid of it. Or hide it someplace safe where none of us will be able to find it."

"All right," she said, giving him a confused look. "I guess I'm everyone's choice for helping to get rid of things today." She took the paper from him and turned it right side up to read the letters. "Oh. This is the contract with Ipkesh! Why do you have this?"

"I'll tell you later," he said. "Just a minute." He didn't want to talk about it. He had had enough gloom and doom for one night. His friends were supposed to be celebrating, and he was going to make sure that was what they did, at least for now.

He slipped away from their table, past a pair of monks who were arguing with an off-duty Bastion, and tottered over to the bar. Because that was where the minstrels were. The singer, a woman with wild red hair and a riot of freckles across her face who looked like she might be part dwarven, was chatting up a handsome human soldier.     

"Oi," Scanlan said, and tugged at her sleeve.

She glanced at him just long enough to say, "Piss off," and went right back to Soldier Boy.

"Excuse me," he said, with a little more volume. He knew what he was interrupting, but there were dozens of soldiers around, and plenty of them were attractive. She could get one of them to bed her later. "I'll give you fifty gold to start playing something up-tempo, right now."

The singer put her hands on her hips and stared down at him, clearly annoyed. "I'm on my break, tiny man."

"A hundred gold," he said, and opened his coin purse to show her that he did in fact have that kind of money.

That got her attention. She chewed on her plump lower lip for a moment, then said, "Payment up front." 

"Done." He pulled out handfuls of coins and set them on the bar, piling them up until there were about a hundred, maybe a few more. It was a foolish thing to do in full view of a tavern packed with people, but if anyone tried anything, he and his friends were more than capable of defending themselves.

The singer shook her head, smiling, and began gathering the coins into her own purse. "Crazy little gnome. All right, you've got your wish. BOYS!" She whistled loudly over the din of conversation and motioned to her troupe to follow her back to the stage.

Scanlan wound his unsteady way back through the crowd, narrowly avoiding being stepped on by a stumbling half-orc who'd had a few pints too many. He tried to haul himself back up onto his barstool, but his muscles just wouldn't cooperate. Grog lifted him up and set him on the barstool - it was a bit humiliating, but he did appreciate the help.

"What was that all about?" Pike asked him.

He didn't answer. Instead he picked up his huge, human-sized mug of ale and drank deeply, downing a quarter of it in one go. He didn't feel better yet, but he would in about five minutes when the buzz hit.

"So Pike," he said, turning toward her, as the minstrels started in on a rollicking tune. "Buy you a drink?"

 


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of the night was a happy drunken blur. Vox Machina and friends, minus Percy and Vex, went through two full barrels of ale - one for Grog, and one split between the rest of them. They bantered and joked for hours about nothing in particular. At one point Keyleth borrowed Scanlan's flute and tried to play it, with hilariously awful results. Then Grog gave it a try and broke the flute, and maybe Scanlan should have been mad about that, but he couldn't be mad because it was funny as fuck. Pike tried to fix it and ended up breaking another piece off the end, and that was even funnier. Vax was laughing so hard he couldn't speak for a full minute.   

Allura, who had had much less to drink than the rest of them, eventually convinced a very inebriated, extremely rowdy Kima that they should head home. "I'M GONNA GO FUCK MY WIFE!" Kima shouted as the two of them left the tavern - that got her a round of applause from everyone in earshot and more laughter from Scanlan and his friends.

After playing for a few hours, the minstrels finished their last song of the night and began packing away their instruments. The crowd in the tavern was thinning as weary townsfolk left in twos and threes, still chatting to each other about the titan and the meteors and the heroes who'd saved their city and what a wild, terrible, marvelous day it had been.

Vax and Keyleth were in the middle of a teary and apparently heartfelt whispered conversation. Grog was talking with a woman who must have been good-looking by goliath standards, the same burly half-orc who had almost tripped over Scanlan earlier that evening. Scanlan, though, was just trying to keep his eyes open. All the ale he'd drunk was catching up with him - that, and his exhaustion from the Wish. He tried and failed to hold in a huge yawn.

"Hey, sleepyhead." Pike smiled at him. "We should get you back to the inn. You need to rest up."

"Hmm?" he said, stretching his arms. "Yeah, I guess so." He wouldn't normally call it a night this early, but this was definitely not a normal day.

"I can walk you back there," she said.

That sounded promising. He had been waiting the whole night for a chance to get her alone. "All right."

Grog leaned toward them and said, "Pike, do you need me to, like, lug him back there for you?"

"It's okay, Grog!" Pike said. "I'm not that drunk. I can take care of us."

"Right!" Grog belched loudly and went back to showing off his tattoos to the half-orc woman.

Pike whispered to Scanlan, "I'm actually really drunk. Don't tell him!" She giggled, and he couldn't help but crack a grin himself - she was so cute. She slipped down from her barstool and offered him a hand down from his, which he gladly accepted.

He would have said goodbye to Keyleth and Vax, but they were occupied just then. And by occupied he meant making out. "See you tomorrow, Grog," he said, and patted the big guy on the knee. Then he took a step forward and realized that the room was spinning around, and the floor was tilting under him, and walking without falling over was maybe going to be a bit of a problem. "Whoa."

"I've got you!" Pike said. She wrapped one arm around him to hold him up and looped his arm over her shoulders.

"Thanks Pikey." Being stumbling drunk wasn't too bad if it meant he got to lean on her.

Pike walked the pair of them to the door of the tavern and through it. The wind outside was startlingly cold, a slap in the face that sobered Scanlan up a little. He had no idea what time it was, but the moon had set. The only light was from the stars overhead and from a handful of lit windows in buildings along the road.

"Wait!" That was Vax, calling to them from the door of the tavern. He jogged over to them and said, "Before you two go running off. Scanlan…" He crouched down to Scanlan's height and gave him a watery-eyed smile. "I haven't thanked you yet. Not really. And I… I can't possibly thank you enough. I -"

"Don't get all mushy," Scanlan said. As drunk as he was, if Vax started crying, he was afraid that was going to set him off.

Vax pursed his lips and nodded, then reached out to ruffle Scanlan's hair. "Anything you ever need, I'm there."

He grinned and told Vax, "Next time I need a blowjob, I'll let you know."

Vax laughed. Then gave him a soft slap on the cheek, and stood back up, and without another word he walked away.

"I was kidding about the blowjob," he said to Pike, just in case. He did have a history with men, and he wouldn't want her taking him seriously.

"Oh, that's too bad," Pike said, with a sly little grin on her face. "I was hoping you'd let me watch."

He laughed, surprised to hear something like that from her. "Oh shit! You're a perv!" She was shaking her head. "No, you are!" he said. "You act all sweet and innocent, but you, just…" He gave her an admiring look. "You're secretly worse than me, aren't you?"

"Nobody's worse than you, Scanlan!" she said. "Don't worry. You're still king of the pervs." And she smooched him on the cheek.

"Aww." Scanlan felt warm right down to his toes, despite the cold wind. "I love you, Pikey."

"I love you too," Pike said. And she started off down the street in the direction of the inn, hauling him along with her.

After a moment, as they walked, she said, "Actually, I wanted to get you alone."

"Yeah?" This could be good, he thought. This could lead to more kissing.

"Yeah. I wanted to talk with you. Because I was kind of worried."

…or it could be not so good. "Oh," Scanlan said. "You don't have to worry about me."

"I kind of really do, though," Pike said, and he noticed then that she was slurring her words a little. "Because I wasn't worried, but then you were taking drugs all secretly and stuff, and then you yelled at us and left and you weren't there for a whole year. And I didn't know if you were okay or if you were dead or something."

That was a gut punch. He had earned every bit of it, though. He felt like shit for making her feel so bad. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Pike said. "I just want to make sure you're okay. So, you know, you can talk to me about stuff. Or it doesn't have to be me, but you really have to let somebody know what's going on with you. Okay?"

She was right. Scanlan didn't like to trouble anyone else with his troubles, but maybe he needed to. Keeping it all to himself hadn't worked out. And if he was going to have a serious talk with anyone, Pike would be his first choice. She would be kind, she wouldn't judge him or think less of him if he got a little maudlin.

He sighed, and spent a moment trying to sort out his thoughts. There was a lot bothering him, actually, and it was all tangled up together. "Percy was going to…" He stopped himself, realizing just then that Pike might be exactly the wrong person to tell about this. She had told him once that there was someone else she loved, and he didn't know for sure, but it might have been Percy. "Don't freak out, okay?" he said.

"Was he going to use the Third Pact?" Pike asked, in a very quiet voice.

Scanlan blinked at her, surprised. "Yeah, he was. How did you know?"

"I guessed," she said mournfully, and sniffed. "Cause you had the contract and you gave it to me. Poor Percy. He always thinks he's irri - irra -" She flapped her free hand in the air, looking frustrated. "Not 'sponsible! The other one. Like he can't be forgiven. But he can! It's really sad that he thinks that!" She was starting to tear up.

"Don't cry over him," Scanlan said. "He's a jackass."

"Well you're a jackass, and I love you, and I cried over you a lot!" Pike sniffed again and wiped her eyes.

"Shit. I'm sorry!" He had never meant to - well, no. He had meant to hurt her, and everyone else, when he left. He had tried to make them all feel just as shitty as he did. He really didn't know why Pike had bothered to forgive him.

"Stop being sorry!" she said, and gave him a little shake. "Just… I was going to ask you if you were scared about the whole being a god thing. Cause you kind of looked like you were. I mean, it is a big scary thing."

The change of subject whipped Scanlan around into a whole different set of feelings. "I can't even…" He shook his head. "I don't know. I mean, that's crazy! I can't be a god! That's insane!"

"Well you're not one yet, if that helps," Pike told him. "It'll be after you die, so not for a long time, I hope. And you're going to have to convince them all to let you join the club."

"Oh man. How is _that_ gonna work?" It probably wouldn't. The gods would probably take one look at him and punt him into whatever afterlife they had for assholes who occasionally did good things.

"You'll have to be good while you're here," Pike said. "You'll have to do good works and, just, be a good person, I guess."

"So I'm going to need your help," he said.

"Oh yeah," she said, smiling at him. "No doubt. You're going to need a _lot_ of help."

"I'm not arguing." He could have argued, as a joke, but for once in his life he was trying for honesty.

"I'm sure the gods will help you too, though!" Pike said. "They're good gods. They're not just going to throw you in the deep end. They'll give you advice or training or something."

That was an amusing thought. "Like a god apprenticeship program," he said. "Like an internship."

Pike giggled, then put on a fake bossy voice and said, "Go get me a coffee! Fill out this paperwork! Shelve these books in alphabetical order!"

"Oh shit," Scanlan said. "I'm gonna be the gods' monkey!"

Pike laughed. She accidentally leaned on him a little and almost toppled them over, but she found her footing quickly enough to keep them from tipping too far.

They were quiet for a little while, just walking together under the stars. Pike took them around a corner - she seemed to know where they were headed. Which was a good thing, because Scanlan had completely forgotten where the inn was.

"I miss Kaylie," he told Pike. "I was thinking earlier, I really want to see her. Just to make sure she's okay, and to tell her to be careful. She has to be so careful now." Putting his daughter in danger was the one thing he truly regretted about the Wish. Well, Velora and Cassandra too - but mostly he was worried about Kaylie. He sighed and said, "We'll go and find her tomorrow, though. It's fine."

"Hold on just a second." Pike put one hand up to her ear and looked upward, like she was listening hard. "Okay, I sent her a message. I asked where she was and if she was okay. And I said to be careful and not get into any trouble until we have a chance to talk with her."

"Oh, that's right! I forgot you could do that!" If he had remembered, he would have asked her hours ago. "Thanks Pike." 

"Wait," she said, holding up one finger to hush him. "Kaylie says, um…" She put her hand to her ear and listened again, and after a moment she laughed. "She says why'd we have to wake her up, and she's in Whitestone, and she's fine, and you'd better fucking be there tomorrow or she's going to kick your arse."

Scanlan smiled. "That's my girl." And what an incredible relief it was to hear that she was all right.

"She's great, Scanlan," Pike said. "I'm so glad you found her. Or she found you, I guess."

"Yeah," he said. She had tried to kill him when she found him, and she was still the best thing that ever happened to him. "I'm really lucky."

"There was another thing too that I was gonna ask you about. I was…" Pike made a face. "Oh shit. What was it? Shit!"

"It's okay if you don't remember," he told her. "We can always talk later."

"No, wait," she said. "I remember. You were really mad at the Raven Queen, you know, when you were yelling at her. And I was thinking, that wasn't just out of nowhere. And I was worried because you did that thing again where it's like you don't even care about yourself or what happens to you. And I do care."

Scanlan wasn't sure how much more serious conversation he could take. "I care," he said. "I was just pissed off. I was being stupid."

Pike hugged him a little closer with the arm she had wrapped around him. "It's okay to be angry at death. I just want you to be careful."

"She kept acting like it wasn't okay, though," he said. "Like we didn't have any right to be angry. Like we were just supposed to be fine with our friends dying, and us dying, and, you know. People we love. I mean, the twins lost -"

The thought he had been avoiding all day finally hit. It was the same thought he'd been running from since he was a boy. He knew why he hated the Raven Queen. He knew exactly why.

"…their mother," he said, after a long pause. "She was gonna take Vax too, and she was talking to Vex like it shouldn't even hurt. But of course it would! She knew that! She just kept lying! She…" He was too drunk for this. His throat was tightening up, and he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't see because he was fucking crying again. "Fuck. Sorry."

"It's okay."

Pike didn't say anything more than that. She just steered them to the side of the road and stopped there, and let Scanlan have a moment to bury his face in his hands and breathe hard and try to get himself under control.

He calmed down, finally, and wiped his face, and gave Pike an embarrassed smile. "Little bit much to drink," he said.

Pike was wiping her own eyes and sniffling a little. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, I…" He shook his head. "I should. You were right earlier. I don't talk about things, but I should."

"We've been through a lot today," she said.

"Yeah, but any other day…"

They wouldn't have been having this conversation on any other day. If they hadn't almost died today - if they hadn't almost lost Vax - if he hadn't taunted one god and then ripped into another one, and scared the shit out of himself while he was at it… Then he would have been doing the same thing he did most days. He would have been pretending that everything was fine and that he was perfectly happy. He would have been lying to himself and everyone else, like he always did.

If he wanted to change - if he was going to try to be a better person - now was the time to try.

"I wasn't angry when my mother died," he said. "Not right when it happened. I mean, I was just a kid. I was scared more than anything. It took a while to get angry, and when I did, the Raven Queen wasn't there for me to yell at. So, I guess… I had a long time to think about what I would say to her if I ever got the chance."

Pike just nodded, and wiped more tears from her face, and gently gave him a hug. She was careful not to lean on him this time.

Eventually she pulled away, just a step back to where he could see her. She said, "I'm worried about even asking this, but… I have this spell. I can't guarantee anything, but if you wanted to try, I could try."

Scanlan wasn't sure what she meant. "Which…?"

"True Resurrection."

He realized then what she was offering, and that… That would have been an astonishing gift. But it wouldn't work. "It was almost sixty years ago," he said.

"I know," she said. "It doesn't matter. There doesn't even have to be a body. It's… I mean, it's scary, to have that kind of power. But I do, so… If you want."

There was another reason why it wouldn't work. "Thank you so much for offering," he said, taking one of her hands between his. "But I already did try. It was a long time ago, before I met you all. I stole some money from these… Uh." He winced, realizing a second too late who he was talking to. She was smiling, though. "I probably shouldn't have told you that part. So I got some money, never mind how, and I found a priest who could do that kind of spell and I paid him. He couldn't do it without a body, it turned out. But he prayed for a minute, and he said… She, ah…" He was getting a little choked up again. He had to stop for a second and breathe. "She had already been gone for years by then. So I guess she moved on. That's what he told me."

"Did he seem like an honest person?" Pike asked.

Scanlan nodded. "Yeah, he was. He even gave me my money back." And what a sight he must have been, a ragged gnome not yet out of his teens, with a purse full of gold, demanding to get his mother back. He wondered how that priest was doing. The man was an elf, older but not elderly when Scanlan met him - he should still be around.

"I'm so sorry, Scanlan." Pike rested her warm palm on his cheek for a moment, then wrapped him up in another hug.

"Don't be sorry," he said quietly, into her cloud of soft white hair. "I've got you, and I've got all our friends, and Kaylie, and it's fine. It's as good as it's going to get."

"We all love you," Pike whispered.

"Well, I'm not too sure about Percy right now." He sighed - he did feel better now, and he was glad that Pike knew what was going on with him, but all this emotional stuff was really draining. "Anyway. Could we talk about something else?"

"Yeah, of course." Pike let him go, then moved to stand beside him and looped her arm around him, holding him steady so that they could walk.

"I'm not Vax," he said, as they started down the road again. "I can only be a drama queen for so long."

"I know," she said with a smile. "So what do you want to talk about?"

There was one obvious topic of conversation that they hadn't gotten around to yet. "Well… You kissed me…"

Pike laughed. "I did…"

"And I was hoping we could do that more often," Scanlan said. "And maybe, you know. Get a little more friendly." He gave her a winning smile.

"Maybe," she said. "Once you've got your strength back. I mean, I wouldn't want to hurt you."

"You could be gentle with me," he said. And then thought of something brilliant. "You have divine healing powers! You might actually help me recover!"

Pike rolled her eyes, but she was giggling. "That's not how it works! Oh my goodness."

"Well, right now I probably -" He had been about to say _couldn't anyway_ , and realized just in time that all that ale was making him a little too honest. "Never mind."

"What?" Pike asked.

"Nothing." He tried to look innocent.

"Oh, come on!" She gave him a little shake.

He sighed. It was embarrassing, but she wasn't going to let it go. "Fine. Just, I drank a lot of ale. A _lot_ of ale."

"…ah," Pike said. She very kindly kept looking at the street in front of them instead of at him.

"And it turns out that Wishes have some side effects…" Which had better be temporary, or Scanlan was going to Wish to go back in time and undo today's Wish. Vax was great and all, but he wasn't worth that.

"Oh no!" Pike was laughing again. "It did make you kind of floppy. I guess that's all over?"

 _Floppy_ \- he was going to get her for that. "It's kind of like seeing your grandfather naked," he said. "Except it lasts for ages."

"Oh god." She scrunched her face up. "Shut up!"

Time to get more descriptive. "All wrinkly, and saggy, and with hair on his -"

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" Pike shook her head hard enough that her hair whipped around and one of her braids whacked him on the nose. "I don't want to think that! You're terrible!"

"I would say I'm sorry," he told her, with a big grin on his face. "But I'm not."

"Ugh!" Pike huffed out a breath, blowing a bit of hair that had fallen over her eyes out of the way. "Well I wasn't going to have sex with you tonight anyway. But I was going to say, I need to make sure that you get some sleep."

"Oh?" That was interesting. He wondered how she was planning to do that.

"So, we could sleep together," she said. "Platonically."

Scanlan couldn't believe his luck. He nodded so hard that his teeth clicked together. "Yeah! We should! I mean, who knows with me? I could sleepwalk. I could just wander off in the middle of the night. Skip town."

"Don't even joke," Pike warned him.

Oh, right - he had actually skipped town one time. "I won't do that," he said.

They turned another corner, and there was the inn finally, half a block away. The lights in all of the windows were out, but there was a torch mounted near the door so that they could see the lock. As they approached, Scanlan dug through his pockets and found the key.

"This is gonna sound dumb," Pike said. "But… you're really you, right? Not Scanlan Two?"

Scanlan raised an eyebrow. He would have thought it was obvious which one of him was which. Sure, the other him had been very handsome, but there were differences. The voice had been all wrong, for one, too high-pitched and nasal and missing a lot of his own vocal resonance.

"Because he looked just like you, and I had this weird - not a dream, but just this worry…"

He would have made a joke, but Pike looked like she was actually getting upset. "It's okay," he said. "I'm me."

"…that I would wake up, and you'd be…" She sniffed. "There'd just be snow just melting, and… At the tower…" She stopped walking, and put a hand over her eyes - and those were tears on her cheeks. She had gotten herself so worked up that she was crying over this thing that hadn't even happened.

"Hey," he said. "Hey! Pike, it's fine! I'm the real me. I promise."

"Okay." She sounded like she was barely keeping herself from bursting into sobs. "I'm sorry. It's really dumb."

"You're not dumb," he told her. And kissed her on the forehead, and gave her a hug. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve her being this concerned about him. He was kind of a big deal, sure, but he was also a shit a lot of the time. He hadn't earned this.

But then, that was love. You didn't earn it. It was just there.

"I'm think I'm just really tired," Pike said. "And super drunk."

"Yeah, well," Scanlan said. "Me too. We should probably…" He glanced toward the inn.

She nodded, and wiped her eyes, and let out a big sigh.

"Come on," he said.

And he opened the door of the inn for them, and followed Pike inside. They helped each other up the stairs.

 


	9. Chapter 9

_The one true god of Exandria listened while his players told their stories, letting them put the finishing touches on the legend that was Vox Machina. Marriages - Vax and Keyleth, Pike and Scanlan. A breakup and eventual reunion for Percy and Vex. Children for some of them. Journeys for all of them, Grog in particular. The god spoke for Taryon himself and gave his lover Lawrence back to him, along with a new set of adventures. And he spoke for the story, this amazing, unexpected work of art they'd created together that had turned out to mean so much more than they could have imagined when it began._  

_"And with that…" He sighed, still not quite ready for it to be over. "We close this campaign. Here ends the tale of Vox Machina. At least for now."_

_"What a nice story."_

_"Let's do it again!"_

_"Just so everyone is aware, because you may never see this again. There's only one way to win D &D, and you all just witnessed it." _

_The god smiled, and said jokingly, "Also a great way for a DM to get rid of a really annoying character who just won't die."_

_"Next time on GM Tips…"_

_"If you can't kill 'em, promote 'em!"_

_"That's crazy though! I'm the worst one! I'm going to be the worst god ever."_

_"Better than Percy! He would be, just… not good."_

_"Yeah, I don't know about Grog."_

_"Oh come on, Grog would be great! He'd be best buddies with Kord. They'd have wrestling matches."_

_"In the nude."_

_The god laughed. "All oiled up, and just…"_

_"Just grappling. Grappling all over."_

_"You impressed the hell out of the Raven Queen, though," he said. "Which is not easy to do. Even after that speech it was still a DC 30 Persuasion check. If you hadn't made that…"_

_"Ooh, was she gonna kill him?"_

_"Probably you and Vax."_

_He shook his head. "I'm not going to say, but it wouldn't have been a happy ending for Scanlan. Anyway, you earned it. It's possible that others from Vox Machina will end up on that path, but you're the one who got there in game."_

_"He's not ascended yet, though!"_

_"That's true!" the god said. "He might not make it. You'll find out in four hundred years or so."_

_"Next campaign?"_

_"The next campaign's not that far ahead." The god of Exandria clapped his hands together. "All right, you guys. That was an amazing game, and just an incredible campaign. Thank you. Thank you to our guest stars and our crew. Thank you to our fans, all the Critters. And for one last time, until next year…"_

_He paused for dramatic effect, and winked at the camera. "Is it Thursday yet?"_

 

******************************

 

Sometime later - much later - about five hundred years later, give or take a few decades - Ioun closed the book she'd been reading and sighed.

Her library held so many stories. The best of them, the most compelling, took on lives of their own. This one had reached its end, but it would stay with her, as much alive in her mind's eye as any living creature. It would be a part of her until her own end came.

She turned to her apprentice, who was humming to himself as he scratched away with his quill, drawing clefs and chords on a sheet of staff paper. "I think some music would be nice right now," she said. He'd been gone so often lately, off visiting The Everlight's sweet little servant - she couldn't blame him for that, but she had missed his songs.

"Sure!" He set down the quill and reached for his flute.

"Not the flute, I think." She knew which song she wanted - her favorite, the one he'd sung when he'd taken Nera down a peg or two. "How about the one with the cowbell?"

He laughed, and found the battered old bell in the jumble of things on his desk, and tapped it in time with the tune, and began to sing. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what happens when I binge watch 400 hours of nerdy-ass voice actors playing D&D. I finished Campaign 1 a few weeks ago, and in case you somehow couldn't tell, I really wanted Sam to get his Wish. Vax's ending was poignant and beautiful and Liam was amazing and he made me cry just by saying 'druidcraft' and Matt made me cry with 'it's just feathers' - but I wanted that freaking Wish! It would have been so cool! So I made it happen, in fiction at least. Apologies to the cast for borrowing them and not just their characters - I thought this fic needed a few glimpses of the game behind the story for it to work. I hope their alternate universe selves (who all have goatees, by the way) aren't too far off the mark.
> 
> List of material I used for reference, aside from the show itself:  
> [Critical Role Wiki](http://criticalrole.wikia.com/wiki/Critical_Role_Wiki)  
> Vecna Monster Analysis [Part 1](https://www.critrolestats.com/blog/2017/10/8/monster-analysis-vecna-the-ascended-part-1) and [Part 2](https://www.critrolestats.com/blog/2017/10/8/monster-analysis-vecna-the-ascended-part-2) by [CritRoleStats](https://www.critrolestats.com/)  
> [Transcript of Episode 114](https://crtranscript.tumblr.com/ep114) by [CR Transcript](https://crtranscript.tumblr.com/)  
> [Vox Machina Item List](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1DNKPVXWPn67B87rVU9A4xDNUNBgaq4Ywxq-WK_mlBc4/edit#gid=238512877), maintained by [BigTimmy053](https://www.reddit.com/user/BigTimmy053)  
> [Spells Cast List](https://www.critrolestats.com/blog/spells-cast-list), also by [CritRoleStats](https://www.critrolestats.com/)
> 
> You could take the title as a reference to Eminem's "Lose Yourself", but really it's from OK Go's song "The One Moment". The song is appropriately dramatic, and the music video reminds me of the weird time compression in D&D where a battle that takes hours for the players only uses a minute or so of in-game time. 
> 
> My gaming group is still working on a Pathfinder adventure path that we've been playing for a few years. We're almost at the end, though, and once we finish that? In our next campaign, I am so playing a bard.


End file.
